What I have done right

Parenting is filled with triumphs, failures, near misses, and just plain old winging it. Sometimes its good to give yourself a pat on the back for the things you did right, especially in a world where there are enough people who will tell you what you did wrong.

Reading:

Literacy is hugely important to me. I feel very strongly that if a person can read and comprehend they can learn just about anything. My two daughters both read well above their grade level, and always have, with very little effort on my part. Here is what I did.

• I always chose TVs with closed captioning, and leave it on all the time. I feel like this puts a sub conscious connection between the word sound, and the look of the word itself.
• The kids were given reader books that help them to do it themselves. (Thank you mom n dad who are the kids' book fairies)
• When they asked how to pronounce a word I made them try it themselves first.
• They were given reading level appropriate dictionary, and when they asked what a word meant I had them look it up. (book fairies again)
• When I read to them I point to each word so they connect what I am saying to the word they see. And when they read to me I had them do the same thing.
• The kids were given a Karaoke machine, this has proved to be a fun and wonderful tool. (Thanks MiL)
• Harry Potter books, these have been so amazingly appealing and challenging for young kids. Whenever a new Harry Potter book has come out, I only saw the top of my eldest daughter's head except when she came up for food and bathroom breaks.

Their teachers will inundate them with repetitive reading assignments, which I personally feel like is arbitrary, and may actually cause them to not want to read for the joy of it, and may in fact make it so they find it to be a chore. I don't tend to enforce those reading assignments very strictly, as I feel like we have made reading a very incorporated part of our lives.

The Santa Clause:

Our family is not religious at all, we celebrate Christmas for the social reasons of the kids fitting in to a very religious location.

I had no clue how to deal with this subject, I asked family, friends, clients (one of whom is child psychologist who has been amazingly insightful), coworkers, basically anyone who would talk to me about it, I asked.

I was torn in many directions at once. How do I teach honesty yet lie to my kids about Santa? How do I include them in the fun and magic of Santa? How do I tell them the truth when the time comes? And most important, how much mileage can I get out of this Santa thing! After much internal debate about the subject I had a revelation (probably while sitting on the can, which is where most of my "AHA!" moments arrive). Make it like a game where I set the rules.

So here are my rules of Santa (and all other manner of make believe bringers of childhood wonderment for which I volunteered to be):

• Do not directly lie, but definitely allude with questions. For example, "Does Santa bring toys to children who scream?", "Do you think Santa will come if you are still awake?"
• Present the legend through reading books, stories, poems etc. If you say that there definitely is a Santa, and that he does this, this and this you have lied. If you present it via book and let them have the idea of it then you can always answer their questions with a question. "Is this true Mom?" "What do you think?"
• Santa does not get to take all the credit. Some gifts are from Santa, some from family. I did not want my kids to feel like Santa loved them more than their family. So Santa gifts were usually, stockings, underwear, jammies, and items of a magical nature such as fairy dust, and sleigh bells. But the big show gifts such as the bicycle they have been coveting, the dollhouse they cannot live without, credit goes to the actual gift giver. This was not so much done for ego, as much as teaching gratitude and the understanding that money and hard work earned that and that it wasn't created by elven slaves working in a sweatshop for cookies.
• Let them decide when they are ready for the truth, however in the case of my youngest she was actually not ready to give it up when it was past the age of most of her friends picking on her about it, or her arguing to defend Santa, I did have to nudge her along by creating reasonable doubt. I left clues for her to figure out.
• When they do confront you with "I am not so sure about this Santa thing." This is what I responded with: "This is one of those pivotal moments in your life right now where childhood moves towards adulthood, do you really want to take that step right now?" If they said yes, then I told the truth, and praised them for being so clever. If they said no, then I played along and tap danced around the question, usually with a question. "Do you think it's possible?"
• Leave clues to the truth so they can figure it out for themselves. I would hand write the tags, I would leave out the wrapping paper, throw the empty candy bags in the household trash. I feel like this is playing fair and lets their curiosity, and natural childhood nosiness turn them into sleuths.
• Understand that this is a big deal, most people remember how they found out about Santa, and it can either be a positive thing or a negative. I tried my best to make it positive, and praised them over and over about what smart kids they are, and let them mock me for being "careless" and leaving evidence, even though it was quite intentional. If they got cocky about it, as my little one did I would just say, "Perhaps I did that on purpose"
• When they learn the truth, explain to them that they have friends and younger family members who still believe, and briefly go over the rules with them about it, and remind them that it is not their place to destroy that fantasy for someone else, and that it is not appropriate to be a brat and say "There's no such thing as Santa!"

The one thing I wish I had thought to do in hindsight was when I labeled the Santa gifts, to mark them as "Santa?".